Our Demented Fic
by Little Orange Monsters
Summary: Hi peoples, this is magical*little*me and tippy(I get ta be first, cuz I'm doing this, yay!) and this, is really screwed up. Don't blame me, it's all her fault. Well, not really, but in my mind it is. If you like plotless, pointless things, go ahead and r


One day Ron and Draco were walking out to the lake to visit the giant squid. But the giant squid wasn't there so Ron and Draco were sad. So they decided to see Hagrid to see if he knew where the squid went.   
  
"Hagrid," asked Ron, when he let them in, "do you know where the giant squid went?"   
  
Hagrid said that when he'd last seen the giant squid, it had been swimming with a hot pink jellyfish near the bottom of the lake.   
  
"Thanks Hagrid" said Draco and they went off to find the giant squid.   
  
They wanted to go into the lake after it but they knew they couldn't hold their breath long enough so they went to find Hermione to help them.   
  
"Hermione" said Ron when they found her, "can you teach us to hold our breath long enough so that we can go after the giant squid and the hot pink jellyfish?"   
  
"Sure" said Hermione, acting like it was a perfectly normal request. "Just get some gillyweed like Harry used in the tournament last year" she explained.   
  
"But where can we get gillyweed?" asked Draco.   
  
"I dunno. Let's ask Professor Trelawney since she has psychic powers" Hermione said.   
  
So the three of them went off to find Professor Trelawney.   
  
When they got to the tower they found that she was teaching a class. But they figured the class wouldn't mind if they were interrupted so they just walked in.   
  
"Professor Trelawney, do you know where we can find some gillyweed?" asked Hermione.   
  
Well, Professor Trelawney wasn't in a very good mood so she started screaming at them that they had interrupted her in the middle of a premonition.   
  
Hermione, Ron and Draco left her tower, muttering mean things about her.   
  
"Now what're we supposed to do?" said Draco.  
  
"Let's ask Harry where he got his gillyweed." said Ron.   
  
"Okay," said Hermione, "but how do you know where he is?"  
  
"Well Lavender said that Parvati said that Neville said that Ginny said that Dean said that Seamus said that Fred said that George said that Colin said that Harry was going on a date with Cho." said Ron, gasping for breath.   
  
"Well, I dunno if we should interrupt them" said Draco. "Last time we interrupted someone we got our heads bitten off."  
  
"Do you have any better ideas?" snapped Ron.   
  
"Nope not really, I was just making a suggestion." said Draco. "Just don't blame me if Harry curses you"  
  
"I will" said Ron as they set off.   
  
"Fine, be that way" said Draco, chasing after them.   
  
They found Harry and Cho making out behind a bush.   
  
Hermione and Ron were both relatively grossed out by this but Draco just cleared his throat to get their attention.   
  
Harry and Cho jumped apart as if they had been stung by a bee.   
  
"What are you guys doing?" screeched Cho.   
  
"Nothing" said the three, trying to look innocent.   
  
"Yeah, sure" said Harry in a highly sarcastic voice. "You just happened to end up right by this bush on the ends of the ground."   
  
The three looked at each other and nodded. "Yup" they chorused.   
  
"Okay then, I'll guess you'll be moving on." said Cho.  
  
The three looked at each other again. "Nope" they chorused.   
  
"Why not?" said Harry.  
  
"Cuz" said Ron.   
  
"Very good reason" said Cho. "Draco, wanna try to come up with a better one?"  
  
"Sure" said Draco. "My reason is... (A drumroll is heard in the background)...cuz. "  
  
"Oooooh, aren't you just such a genius?" said Harry sarcastically. "Now can you please leave us alone?"   
  
"Not until you tell us where we can get some gillyweed" said Hermione.   
  
"I don't know" said Harry. "Why don't you ask Dobby, he's the one who gave it to me"   
  
"Okay, sure" said Ron and they went off to find Dobby.   
  
"He's probably in the kitchen" said Hermione.  
  
The three of them entered the kitchen through the secret portrait hole and looked around for Dobby.   
  
"There he is" said Draco, cracking his knuckles just cuz he felt like it.  
  
They walked up to Dobby, who was guzzling butterbeer.   
  
"Dobby, where did you get the gillyweed for Harry last year?"  
  
Dobby was drunk off the butterbeer. "Hic..what..hic..gillyweed?"   
  
"You know, the plant you need to go underwater?" said Draco, exasperated.   
  
Dobby shook his head and hiccupped. "Nope"   
  
"Ugh!!! This is useless" said Hermione.  
  
"Of course it is" said Draco. "House elves never tell you anything."  
  
"Well, Dobby's not a normal house elf." said Hermione. "And don't insult them!"  
  
"Well then, what is he?" said Draco sarcastically. "A magical house elf?"   
  
"No, just different from the others" said Hermione, glaring at them.   
  
"No, not really, he's exactly the same" argued Draco.   
  
"Whatever. Does it really matter?" said Ron, annoyedly.  
  
"Yes!" roared Draco and Hermione.   
  
"In what way?!?!" Ron roared back.  
  
"Every way!" screamed Draco and Hermione.   
  
"Okay, well, you two are scaring me so I'll just be going now?" said Ron, slowly inching away from them.   
  
"But don't you wanna visit the giant squid?" said Hermione, looking at him with puppy dog eyes.   
  
"Yes, but you guys are making sense" Ron responded.  
  
"Of course we are. We always make sense" said Draco.   
  
"If you say so" said Ron. "Let's go check if the giant squid is back."  
  
"But what about the gillyweed?" Hermione whined.   
  
"We might not need it" said Ron. "But you can keep looking if you want."  
  
"Nope, don't wanna" said Hermione.   
  
"Let's go" said Draco.  
  
The three of them set off for the lake.   
  
When they got there, they could see something pink but the giant squid was nowhere in sight.   
  
"Mrs Hot Pink Jellyfish Thing" called Hermione.   
  
"I'm a guy" responded the jellyfish in a guy pitched voice.  
  
"Oh." said Ron. "Mr Hot Pink Jellyfish Person Dude Thing"   
  
"Yes?" said Mr Hot Pink Jellyfish Person Dude Thing.   
  
"Have you seen the giant squid?" asked Hermione.   
  
"Yes, I've seen it" he responded.   
  
"Where?" asked Draco.   
  
"In the lake" responded the jellyfish unhelpfully.  
  
"Yes, but where in the lake?" asked Hermione.   
  
"Near the bottom" he answered.   
  
"Could you get the giant squid for us?" asked Ron.   
  
"I dunno where he is" said the jellyfish.   
  
"Then find him!" exploded Draco.   
  
"Why should I?" replied the jellyfish in the same tone.  
  
"Cuz if ya don't, then we'll chop ya up and cook ya for dinner" growled Draco.   
  
"You can't eat me" it responded. "Jellyfish aren't edible."  
  
"Oh believe me" said Draco. "Crabbe and Goyle will eat anything."   
  
"Okay, okay, I'll for it" he said. "But I'm not guaranteeing I'll find him"   
  
"Good" snarled Draco.   
  
The hot pink jellyfish dove deep under the water. They watched him till they could no longer see him.  
  
"Why did we wanna visit the giant squid anyways?" asked Draco.   
  
"Ummmmmmmmmmm" said Ron.  
  
"Ummmmmmmmmmm" said Hermione.   
  
"So we don't know?" said Draco.  
  
"No idea" said Ron.   
  
"Well, that's kinda strange" said Draco.  
  
"Yeah" agreed Hermione.   
  
"Well, are we gonna wait and see if the jellyfish finds it then?" asked Draco.  
  
"Uh, let's not" said Ron, and they all left the lake.   
  
"Well, now what do you guys wanna do?" asked Hermione.  
  
Just the the hot pink jellyfish emerged with the giant squid. "Where're you going?"  
  
"Oh, we don't want to see him anymore" said Draco.  
  
The jellyfish dove, muttering something about ungrateful kids.   
  
"I think it's time for dinner" said Hermione.   
  
Ron looked up at the sky. It was dark and stars were beginning to come out. "Don't be dumb, Hermione, it's time for breakfast."   
  
"Whatever, it's time to eat" said Draco.   
  
"So let's eat" said Hermione.   
  
"Good plan" said Ron as they all headed off to the Great Hall.  
  
The Great Hall was dark and empty.   
  
"Well, that's strange" said Hermione.  
  
"Yeah, they should all be having breakfast." said Ron.   
  
"Let's go down to the kitchen and get some food" suggested Draco.  
  
When they got in, they saw that all the house elves were drunk.   
  
"Woah, that's strange" said Ron.  
  
"Let's leave, this is scaring me" said Hermione.   
  
"Me too" said Ron. "Let's go back to our common rooms."  
  
On their way back they met Peeves, a tiger, two dragons, and a herd of horses.   
  
"This day keeps getting weirder and weirder" said Draco.  
  
They got to the Gryffindor entrance. "Hot Pink Jellyfish" said Draco, and the Fat Lady swung open.   
  
"You're not allowed in there" said Hermione.  
  
"And how come you knew the password?" asked Ron.  
  
"Er...I...er...guessed?" said Draco nervously.  
  
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight" said Hermione, Ron and Neville.  
  
"How did you get here?" said Draco to Neville.  
  
Neville shrugged. "Dunno" he said, and disappeared.   
  
"That was strange" said Ron. "But not unexpected compared to the rest of our day."  
  
He forgot about the cup of water he was holding in his hand.   
  
"How come you have a cup of water in your hand?" asked Hermione.  
  
"Dunno" said Ron and he threw it over his shoulder. It landed on Draco, who started to melt.   
  
"Help!" screamed Draco. His face melted off revealing his true identity.  
  
"Oh my god!!!" screamed Ron. "It's Britney Spears!!!"  
  
He threw more water on. Britney's face began to changed into the face of another.   
  
"Oh my god!!!" yelled Hermione. "I didn't think it could get any worse!!"  
  
But it could get worse. And it did. For Britney had split into four other things: the Teletubbies.   
  
"Let's get into the common room and as far away from them as possible" said Ron in a terrified voice.  
  
"Oh no you don't!" screeched the Teletubbies.   
  
"Stupefy!" yelled Hermione, managing to think quickly even in such a disasturous situation.   
  
The Teletubbies fell over and turned back into Draco.   
  
"Let's go into the common room to get reinforcements then go see Dumbledore" suggested Ron.   
  
"Good idea" said Hermione and she started to drag Draco into the common room.   
  
When they inside the common room, they saw that it was mysteriously empty, just like the Great Hall.  
  
"Where is everybody?" asked Hermione, slamming Draco down in her anger.   
  
"Killing him won't help anyone" said Ron practically.   
  
"Really? I thought it would." said Hermione.   
  
"Well, it won't" responded Ron. "Let's just leave him here and go see Dumbledore."  
  
"Kay!" said Hermione perkily.   
  
Hermione and Ron rushed off to Dumbledore's office before noticing they didn't know the password.  
  
"Uh, what's the password?" asked Ron.   
  
"I dunno, you're the one who said we should come here" said Hermione annoyedly.  
  
Just then the door burst open to reveal Snape in a purple clown suit.   
  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Ron before falling back on the hard floor into a dead faint.  
  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Hermione. "I hate clowns!!!!!!!!"   
  
Hermione still thought that seeing Dumbledore was the best plan so she went through the now open door to Dumbledore's office, trying to avoid looking at Snape. She wanted to take Ron with her, but she didn't have the time.   
  
Dumbldedore was sitting in his office, talking to Fawkes.   
  
"Professor Dumbledore sir" said Hermione to get his attention. "Do you know what's going on around here?"  
  
Dumbledore looked up. "What do you mean?"   
  
"Well, Snape just came out of your office in a purple clown suit" said Hermione.  
  
Dumbledore smiled. "Ahh yesssss. Ssseverussss was planning to join the circusssss and he wanted to sssssshow me his act."   
  
"Oh my god" said Hermione, under her breath. "I think that's Voldemort"  
  
"Darn you dratted child!!!!!!!" screamed Dumbledore suddenly. "How did you guesssss!!!!!!"   
  
"Um," said Hermione, inching towards the door. "I was just lucky?"  
  
"Don't worry Hermione!! I'll save you!!!" said Ron galloping in on a horse, wearing a suit of armor, a sword in his hand.   
  
"Thanks" said Hermione, climbing on the horse, but she was secretly wondering whether she should trust him.  
  
She was right to doubt him. For Ron was really.....Wormtail!  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: The things belong to the people who own the things. We don't want them, cept for maybe Draco. Teehee.   
  
  
A/N: Hi this is Tippy! I know this is demented but don't blame me! It was all m*l*m's idea. But it was fun to write so that's the important thing. We're off school cuz of a teacher's strike so we keep getting bored, and this was sumthing to do. Hope somebody likes it!  
  
Now it's my turn! Hi peoples, guess who I am? Well, it's not that hard, cuz tippy already mentioned me. I'm mentioned, I feel so special now. I hope the teachers never stop striking. It's so much fun. Um, a bit bout the fic. I was on a sugar high. Or maybe it was a blueberry lip gloss high. And counting the fact that I'm mental, and tippy's mental, and we're even more mental together...it wasn't that bad. If someone happens to want this continued, we'll continue it. And don't listen to tippy. This is all her fault. Don't blame me for anything. I'm innocent. =)   
  
  



End file.
